Thursday, February 12, 2009

Last Word on Balkan Insight . . . for now

You may have noticed that the last half-dozen entries have referred you to a Balkan Insight article containing something utterly ridiculous about Macedonia. The frequency of 'utterly ridiculous' articles has intensified in the past month - hell, the past week - to the point where I have to step back and wonder: what is going on?

Macedonia is really a wonderful place. And yes, there are a lot of ridiculous things going on, but to read Balkan Insight, one would think that the circus came to town and never left. I've read Balkan Insight since my arrival here, and barring the occasional flare-up between Greece and Macedonia on the name issue, the number of articles concerning Macedonia corresponded with the country's size. Balkan Insight also covers Serbia, Albania, Bulgaria, Romania, Montenegro, Kosovo, and Croatia; the front page headlines for Macedonia were relatively few compared to the rest.

Yet in the past month, I would say that over half the stories I have seen on the main page have been about Macedonia, despite some very interesting things going on in Albania at the moment. Macedonia has an upcoming election, which might explain this disparity, but Albania also has an election and hasn't received nearly as much coverage. Moreover, all these articles on Macedonia are written by the same person. The same reporter has been giving us the Alexander/Tose fountain-statue, folk singers healed by war criminals, VMRO's presidential homophobia, etc., etc.
It's a grab bag of Balkan absurdity, all in a few weeks.

I don't mean to say that these articles are not true. But, since I receive most of my English-language news from one source (Balkan Insight) which receives Macedonian stories from one source (this single reporter) I have to wonder about the editorial thought process.

Suspicious minds. . .

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Genocide does kind of sound like a mouthwash . . .

I read the English-language news website Balkan Insight daily. I would say about 50% of the stories on Macedonia cause me to sigh, shake my head, and mumble "Seriously? Seriously?" to myself. The other 49% percent of the stories usually inspire me to curse Greece.

Then there's that 1% that I just have to share:

"While visiting her husband in the Hague war crimes detention facility, Macedonian folk singer Sonja Tarculovska had her toothache cured with a simple touch from genocide suspect Radovan Karadzic, she told a Macedonian daily."

Do read the whole thing.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Mumps in Macedonia

There has been a mumps outbreak in Macedonia, due to the complete lack of vaccinations for an entire generation of children in the mid-90's, who are now in high school.

This has caused all of my twenty-something American friends to look at each other curiously and engage in the following conversation:

"Mumps? Do people still get that?"
"I think it's like the Chicken Pox?"
"Did we get vaccinated for that? How long does that last?"
"I don't remember, man."
"Me either. I should probably call my mom."

So, how 'bout it, Ma? Can I go outside without a surgical mask over my face, Japanese-style?

Eric and Justin have nice write-ups of the events. Here's a news item about it.

Chuck Norris Jokes, and the Art of the Impossible

I'm going to assume that most everyone reading this has heard quite a few "Chuck Norris Jokes", i.e., 'Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice' or 'Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open'. The general idea is to attribute some ridiculous, impossible, or ironic ability to the earnest, B-list celebrity that is Chuck. I had thought that, aside from the occasional ironic T-shirt or Facebook wall quote, I had forever left Chuck Norris back at college.

But no - like numerous other aspects of American pop culture, Chuck Norris jokes have traveled to Macedonia, once again stripped of their former context. The ironic, ridiculous nature of the jokes in America has become a sort of Balkan-fatalistic way of expressing hopelessness and frustration at the bogged-down, post-communist, semi-free bureaucratic government. Two Macedonian-Chuck jokes I have heard:

'Chuck Norris got his paycheck for January' = The government recently tried to change their revenue gathering system, or something like that - whatever happened, the new software completely crashed the computer system, meaning that a whole lot of people in Macedonia didn't get paid at all for the month of January. Read about it here.

'Chuck Norris can buy alcohol after 7' = Just before I arrived, the government started passing a lot of piddling nanny-state type regulations. One of the first was banning the purchase of alcohol from shops after 7 p.m. It's irritating, believe me.

It's the hip, humorous equivalent of shrugging and saying, 'Oh well.' Chuck just enhances the futility of it all. Can Chuck solve the Greek-Macedonian name dispute? Only time will tell.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

According to Jim

Small countries have big heroes. I should write an entire post about the pop star / quasi-saint / national hero of Macedonia, Tose Proeski - actually, I should write a book. But for the moment, I'll just direct you to Chelsi's post on Jim Belushi.

Jim (and his late brother) are ethnic Albanians, born to immigrant parents in Chicago. Albanians, in general, really really really love America anyway, and that a reasonably popular American sitcom star is part of the big Albanian family, well - it's a huge deal.

To be honest, if I turned on the TV at any given point in the day, every day, and 'According to Jim' was on I would throw my television out the window. It sounds like some sort of bizarre, ironic Twilight Zone concept.

For that reason, I would like to express my intention to start "The Better Belushi Foundation", dedicated to bringing varied and quality Belushi media to Albanian television. Yes, that just means 'Animal House' and old Saturday Night Live clips, but to a Belushi-starved nation, it can make all the difference.

I'll be accepting donations from the Albanian diaspora community. Cash.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

The Holidays. . . .

In an effort to recap the past month or so, my holiday season went roughly like this:

December 24/25: Western Christmas


Despite the western commercial trappings that have crept in to Macedonian Christmas culture, as a predominately Orthodox country, Christmas falls on January 7th. I spent Western Christmas (referred to as 'Catholic Christmas' by the Macedonians) with Americans, mostly current Peace Corps members or alumni. While it's difficult to be away from family and friends during the holidays, there is an instant camaraderie that forms when you are with others experiencing the exact same thing. We drank a good deal of rakija, and watched almost every Christmas movie imaginable online. Good times.

December 31st/January 1st: New Years

This is the real kickoff of the Macedonian holiday season. Given the already short, cloudy days of late December and early January, if one chooses to engage fully in this interminable, rakija-fueled, culturally-sanctioned bender, one may not see the sun until early February. Communist Yugoslavia worked really hard on lowering the importance of Christmas, and correspondingly made the secular New Year celebration a much bigger deal. I spent the Eve with Macedonians at a dinner party, followed by reservations at a music club that clearly ignored the notion of 'capacity'. On New Year's Day, there was yet another celebration, this time at a 'kafana'. A kafana is comparable to a combination of the country/western bar in 'Blues Brothers' and an Applebee's in America. They serve traditional Macedonian food, gallons of rakija, and have live 'turbo-folk' performances. Turbo-folk is traditional folk music, set to a disco beat. The singers (usually a greasy, hairy-chested man and a greasy, large-chested woman) trade off songs, work up a disgusting sweat. The audience then takes out money and sticks it to the singer, by means of that sweat.

The audience is also sweaty, dancing, and singing at this point.

January 6/7: Orthodox Christmas


Orthodox Christmas in Macedonia is marked by - I'll give you a second to guess - rakija and fire. On the 6th, giant bonfires spring up around the city, traditionally meant to give the sun energy and stop the loss of daylight. Now, they serve as focal points to more turbo-folk singing and dancing, and more rakija. Christmas day, I assume, is either spent recovering, or at mass. Or both.

January 14: 'Old' New Year / Vevcani Carnival

This is the liturgical New Year, and is marked by traditional village festivals all across the Balkans. Traditionally, villagers dress up in outrageous costumes to scare away the evil spirits who are allowed to roam the earth at this time, ensuring good luck for the next year. As you can guess, most of these festivals have turned into something more like holding a Halloween party at a fraternity on Super Bowl Sunday, where everyone invites their extended family. And all those people bring rakija. I attended the Vevcani Carnival, which deserves its own later post.

January 19: Celebration of John the Baptist


All across the Orthodox world, local priests use this occasion to bless the nearest large body of water by throwing in a cross. Numerous Orthodox faithful (or local Polar Bear club members) then dive into the water to retrieve it. The fellow who gets hold of the cross then wanders around the city and receives money from well-wishers. Swimmers prepare for this feat by drinking lots of hot rakija. They recover afterwards by drinking lots of hot rakija. I spent the 19th in Ohrid, where every cafe, restaurant, and random old man on the street were all handing out free hot rakija. Rakija rakija rakija.

January 20:Sv. Jovan, Day of the Fishermen

See above, but only the fishermen jump in the lake. Rakija.

February 2: SUPER BOWL MONDAY MORNING

I was able to drink beer this time. A friend of mine set up a late night, after-hours party at a nearby English pub. I had no idea there were so many Americans in Skopje, but I was gratified to know that, of this group, there were relatively few Steelers fans. At 4:30 am, the game ended, and thankfully so did my holiday season.

There was a trip to Greece thrown in somewhere along the way, but I'll get to all that later.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Okay, I'm back for real this time.

(Rakija barrel, suspended from the ceiling above the dinner table. Not Pictured: Me lying on the table)


After two abortive attempts at a restart, I think I can get things rolling this time. I'm back in Skopje after a month of holidays, festivals, and traveling around Macedonia and Greece. And lest you think the festivals are over: a wild carnival is taking place right now in Strumica, Sv. Trifun day soaks all of Negotino in wine and rakija, and the pre-pre-Easter session is getting started. It never ends here.

My own personal holiday season ended at 4:30 am Monday, Skopje time. A Peace Corps friend of mine had organized a secret, after-the-legal-closing-time Super Bowl party at the local English pub. Good times were had by all.

But now, back to work.